Feeling Ambivalent About Mediation? Here’s Why It Could Still Work for You
If you’ve been invited to mediation and you’re not sure you want to go, you’re not alone. Many people arrive at Family Dispute Resolution (FDR) feeling sceptical. Some attend only because it’s a required step before going to court for parenting matters. Others feel worn down by conflict and doubt that sitting in a room (or a video call) with the other parent will lead to any real progress.
It’s normal to feel uncertain. But recent Australian research shows that even when you’re not convinced mediation will work, it can still bring real benefits — for you, and for your children.
What the Research Found
A 2024 national study followed 704 separated parents who took part in FDR across Australia, including 126 parents who attended mainly to get the certificate needed to take their matter to court (Heard, Lohan, Petch, Milic, & Bickerdike, 2024). Here’s what they found:
Most reached agreements: 64% of participants progressed to joint mediation sessions, and 66% of those reached full or partial agreements. Even among those who started out expecting to go to court, 58% reached an agreement on at least some issues.
Conflict shifted: For most people, agreement was linked to a clear drop in hostility and ill will. Those who didn’t reach agreement has started with higher conflict levels, which tended to rise over time.
Participation still helps: Parents who came only for the court certificate experienced a reduction in acrimony whether or not they reached agreement. Simply having the opportunity to speak, be heard, and work through issues in a structured setting made a difference.
Satisfaction was high: Overall, participants reported being satisfied with mediation, especially with the fairness and focus of the mediator, even if they didn’t resolve everything.
Why This Matters
When parenting arrangements are unresolved, tensions can stay high. That tension affects your ability to focus on your own future and can make it harder for your children to feel secure.
The study showed that reducing hostility between parents is possible, even when one or both arrive feeling doubtful. Lower hostility not only improves communication but also makes it easier to find practical solutions for your children’s care.
Even if you believe you’re unlikely to reach agreement, attending FDR can:
Give you a safe, structured space to discuss issues without interruptions.
Ensure your voice is heard and recorded in the process.
Reduce ongoing conflict, which benefits your children’s emotional wellbeing.
Help you explore solutions that are faster and less expensive than court.
If You’re Unsure About Going
It’s understandable to see mediation as “just another step” you’re being told to take. But showing up with even a small amount of openness can help shift the conversation. You might not solve everything in one session, many don’t — but you may still walk away with agreements on some issues, a clearer understanding of the other parent’s position, and reduced tension that makes the next step easier.
Working With the Right Mediator
A skilled mediator can make all the difference. The right professional will guide the process so it stays focused, respectful, and productive — even when the discussion is difficult. They’ll be upfront and ethical in explaining what mediation can and can’t achieve, and they’ll help you navigate both the practical and emotional challenges involved. If you’re unsure whether mediation is the right step, we offer a free 30-minute call to explain how it works and answer your questions, so you can make an informed decision about how to move forward.
Final Word
You don’t have to be enthusiastic about mediation for it to be worthwhile. The evidence shows that simply taking part can reduce hostility and open the door to progress, even when you’re convinced it probably won’t.
Mediation isn’t about giving up what matters to you. It’s about finding a process that gives you more control over the outcome than leaving decisions entirely to a court.
Reference:
Heard, G., Lohan, A., Petch, J., Milic, J., & Bickerdike, A. (2024). Participation, agreement and reduced acrimony through family mediation: Benefits for the ambivalent client in a mandatory setting. Conflict Resolution Quarterly, 41(4), 573–590. https://doi.org/10.1002/crq.21426